BOSEN!

huhuhu.. bosen stadium 4!
have no life, kecuali duduk di depan komputer.. every single day!

It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, when you're heart still does...

Dear Diary,

masih aja penyakit ini ngga mau ilang..
huff..
sakit!

oiyah, kmrn ada org cerita2 sm gue.. stranger, tapi denger cerita dari dia.. ada perasaan seneng yg aneh yg gue rasain.. doa gue 4 tahun yg lalu, baru aja terjawab.. baru ada pembuktiannya.. huff.. pembuktian di saat gue udah FINE!
pembuktian di saat hal itu udah gak seharusnya dibuktiin ke gue..
yah.. tapi teteup ajah, alhamdulillah..
thanks God!

apakah berikutnya akan sama?
haruskah gue nunggu minimal 4 tahun lagi?
gue ngga yakin..
perasaan yg kali ini bener2 beda dari sebelumnya..
gue cuma bisa ikhlas.. ngga ada cara lain..
tapi gimana caranya supaya bisa ikhas di saat gue belom bisa utk ikhlas?
coba aja se simple di komputer yah..
Undo = ctrl + z
pasti enak..
huff..
i dont have any idea!

sing sabar...

gue lagi gondok mampus sm si peneror gak jelas ini, tiap hari kerjaannya ngusik2 melulu.
apa sih yang lo mau?
lo mau si amir? silakan.. ambil aja.. gue ngga masalah sm sekali kok. dia juga ngga mau sama gue. ngapain ngajak rebutan? gue ngga level yah rebutan cowo.
kalo emang cowo nya mau sm elo, sookk ambilll.. tapi kalo cowo nya ngga mau, ya jgn salahin gue juga.

gue cuma mau tenang..
ngga pusing..
ngga ribet..
ngga bete..

huff..
capek sm semua yang ada.. beneran deh.. udah 3 hari gue demam ngga berenti2..
shit!
pasti cuma gara2 pikiran.. gue tau bgt..

huff..
sebel!
kenapa harus gue di bawa2 sih?

The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else..

i don't know why, but i can't trust you!
it sounds like bullshit to me..
it doesn't make sense..

anggep aja gue percaya semua omongan lo..
anggep aja gue ngga kenapa2 sama sekali..
anggep aja gue bukan siapa2..
anggep aja lo ngga pernah kenal siapa gue..

maybe it will be better for both of us!

semua minta di cabe in mulutnyaaaaaaa!!!

sumpah hari ini bener2 kesabaran gue di uji abis2an...
bangsaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattt!
dari tadi pagi ada aja yg bikin kesel..
emang udah berhari2 kesel di rumah, kesel sama kamu!, trs tadi pagi di jalan org maen sodok2 aja bikin emosi semua, trs eep juga bacotnya rese bgt tadi, ini lagi si user minta di cabe mulutnya!
aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh....
pengen teriak2 dari tadi..
rambut gue udah acak2an gak jelas..
jidat gue kerut2 seharian..
mana telpon bunyi mulu, gue sendirian nih di kantooorr.. ditinggal dari jam makan siang! arrrrrrrrrrgghh
belom lagi nih babi miskol2 mulu private number!
setaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannn!
siapa yang pengen gue tabok2in siniiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!

huhuhu.. aku butuh penyejuk suasana!

ARGH..

ini orang2 kenapa semua sih?
kayak tai semua! reseeee!
gak tau apa pala gue lagi kenceng!
hobi amat nambah2in pikiran orang!
bangsat!
ngepet!
tai!
anjing!

still...

hari ini pergiiiii dari siang sampe malem, diangkut yudi buat nemenin pemotretan..
lagi begah bgt di rumah, lagi dongkol bgt sm mama.. tiap hari ngomel ini itu, dan omongannya makin kasar dari hari ke hari.. bikin org pengen minggat! drpd gue ngelawan, ntar jadi berantem.. mendingan gue diem, trs kabur sejenak..
plus ditambah pikiran ini itu yg bikin mellow ngga kelar2..
huks..
ketemu cewe2 itu yg udah lama bgt ngga ktmu, trs gue dibilang kurusan! yippie.. ada juga yang notice.. hahaha.. ngarep ada yg notice soale!
harus ada temennya melulu niyh.. liat aja besok kalo sendirian di dpn monitor dan ngga ribet sm kerjaan.. pasti ada drama lagi deh! huks..
huff....



I still think about you..
I still dream about you..
I still want you and need you by my side..
I'm still mad about you..
All i ever wanted is you..
You're still the one..

6 months?

errr.. supposed to be 6 months..
maybe 7 months, but officially 6 months!
SUPPOSED TO BE!

Up and Down

fiiiiiiiiiuuhh..
tiap hari yang namanya feeling kok up and down..
btw, persediaan air mata gue ngga abis2 ya bo..
huhuhuhu..
bagus sih utk membasahkan bola mata gue yg kondisinya kering melulu akibat terlalu sering berakomodasi dgn komputer.
pret!
kata orang, ikutin kata hati udah paling bener..
kata hati nya juga plin plan nih.. hari ini begini, besok begitu, lusa begono!
argh..
kalo yang namanya perasaan di pendem, ntar jadi kentut bau busuk..
kalo curhat sama temen, ntar dibilang terpengaruh saran temen..
curhat di sini, ntar dibilang mempublikasikan masalah pribadi..
duh.. resiko jadi drama queen nih..
susah ngontrol emosi.. ngga bisa nahan perasaan sendirian..
argh..

enough is enough

huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. nangis terus nangis terus! ngga capek2 apa..
kalo bisa marah2 sama diri sendiri, pasti gue udah marah2 dari kapan tau..
kenapa sih harus ngarep? orang jelas2 udah ngga ada yg bisa diharapkan!
kurang jelas apa sih? terlalu dibutakan sama perasaan sendiri!
ngga inget sama percakapan di telpon kemaren?
ngga inget sama percakapan di telpon tadi pagi?
udah lah tia!
sumpah rasanya ngga enak banget..
mau marah, marah sama siapa?
mau nangis, emang ngga capek2?
emang dia sedih? emang dia kehilangan? emang dia panik?
ngga kannnnnnnnn!
semua hal itu cuma gue doang yg ngerasain..
sendiri! iyah.. sendiri!
mau maksa? ngga bisa juga.. masa perasaan dipaksa?
mau maki2 tu cewe? ngga juga kan? emang salah dia apa?
mau maki2 tu cowo? yaah.. emang dia bisa kontrol yg namanya feeling?
fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak fak!
sumpah ya gue sebel banget ngalamin beginian untuk ke sekian kalinya..
bangsat bangsat bangsat bangsat bangsat bangsat!
orang yang lo harapkan, cuma ngasih harapan semu!
dia itu ngga ngerasain apa yg lo rasain skrg kok!
dia mungkin ngerasain hal2 itu, tapi bukan ke tia... tapi ke orang lain!
NGERTI NGGA TIA?????
hiks....

Rio Febrian - Aku Bertahan

it feels bad to be unwanted...

Sekilas percakapan di malam hari...

Cowo : aku ngga pernah bohong kan sama kamu?
Cewe : ngga. kenapa?
Cowo : aku mau cerita sesuatu.
Cewe : apa?
Cowo : tadi pas aku lagi di KG ketemu X
Cewe : oooh..
Cowo : iya tadi ketemu sm si temen1,temen2,temen3 dan ternyata ada si X juga.
maaf yah. maafin aku yah. maafin aku yaaah.
Cewe : ngapain minta maaf? ketemunya ngga sengaja kan?
Cowo : iyah
Cewe : terus perasaan kamu pas ketemu dia gimana?
Cowo : ya keinget aja.
Cewe : keinget yg bagus2??
Cowo : iya. tp yg jelek2 jg keinget.
Cewe : hmmmm.. terus? (suara lirih nahan nangis)
Cowo : ya udah. ntar kalo org nya udah ngga ada, smua juga kembali ke sedia kala.
Cewe : hmmm.. tapi kalian berdua udah sama2 move on kan?
Cowo : errrr.. aku ngga bisa jawab, aku ngga yakin, aku dlm keadaan ngga bisa berpikir.
Cewe : ..................oh (nangisnya udah gak bisa ditahan)


OUCH! it really hurts...

i want you to want me...

I want you to want me..
I want you to need me..
I'd love you to love me..
I'm begging you to beg me..


sayangnya semua ngga kayak gitu, aku harus terima apa yang ada..
aku ngga bisa ngarep lebih dari semua yang ada sekarang..
sometimes, i wish i was her!
tapi ngga gitu juga, semua orang kan ada porsinya masing2 :)
hufff.. cuma bisa pasrah.. dan ngga bisa berharap banyak..
cuma bisa berusaha selalu jadi yg terbaik, pada akhirnya aku juga ngga tau kamu bakalan gimana ke aku..

*sigh*

Brandy - Have You Ever

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Oooooooh oooooh
What do i got to do to get you in my arms baby
What do i got to say to get to your heart
To make ya understand how i need ya next to me
Gotta get ya in my world cuz baby i can't sleep!

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you have you ever needed something so bad
Breaks you apart inside
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Oooh Have you ever, have you ever
Loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at (just can't sleep at night)
Try to find the words but they don't come out
Have you ever
Have you ever ever ever
Ohhh have you ever?

It’s easier said than done....

You meet someone. He’s everything you ever wanted. You fall in love. You get to know each other, and guess what? He loves you too! Sparks are flying, and there’s magic in the air. You get along great, and as time goes by you realize how much you really have fallen for him. It seems nothing could go wrong, you’re both so in love with each other, you share everything together, you’re like an ideal couple, in every sense of the word.

Then it happened. Suddenly, you feel like it’s just not the same anymore. He’s no longer sweet, and thoughtful, and caring. He turned from being the most lovable person to practically a migraine-causing stranger. You wonder what you’ve done to cause such a change. You labor over endless assumptions and analysis just to explain why things aren’t working the way they were between the two of you. You wonder, does he still love me? You pluck up the courage to ask him, but he just shrugs and avoids giving you a definite answer. You feel more frustrated than ever. And yet, his actions are loud and clear, even though he’s not saying it to your face. The love he once had for you, is no longer there.

You try to deny it. You hope. That somehow, maybe… you’re wrong. That perhaps, he still loves you and there’s a perfectly good explanation for the way he’s been acting. You desperately want to believe that things will get better. But you know you’re not happy anymore. You cry yourself to sleep every night, trying to think of ways to save your relationship. Trying to revive a feeling that was once there but has died a natural death, trying to mend something that you know is broken beyond repair. But then you wake up, and the truth is staring you hard in the face, it’s OVER. No matter how much you try to deny it, his chapter in your life has come to an end.

So now comes the painful process of letting go. You know in your heart that you have to, that it’s the right thing to do, but you just can’t! You love him. You need him. So the natural tendency is to hold on. You tell yourself to just hold on… even though you know his heart doesn’t belong to you anymore. You come to a point where you blame yourself for what’s happening. But it’s not your fault. You need to understand that there are certain things in life that you can’t control. They need to happen because God allows them to happen.

It’s hard letting go of someone that we have loved for so long. It’s painful to watch the people we love, walk away from us. But if they want to go, we need to let them go! It’s easier said than done, but then again love is never easy. It hurts like crazy, and it hurts so bad that we feel like we’re about to bleed from so much pain. No one can truly explain how painful it is, without having experienced it themselves. It’s not easy, and it will take time. But know this and trust in this, IT WILL GET BETTER. The age old cliché, “Time heals all wounds“, may sound boring and repetitive, but it’s true. Letting go allows you and your partner to become the people you were meant to be. You can’t control love. You can’t force someone to stay with you, if you know they’re not happy anymore. What you can do is move on. Believe that there’s someone out there who will love you with everything that they have and in the way you deserve to be loved.

If we really and truly love someone, their happiness should mean more to us than our own. It’s called selfless love. So many lovers in the world are put to this kind of test. Ask yourself. How much do you really love him? Do you love him enough to allow him to go where he’s happy, even if it’s no longer with you? Do you love him enough to allow him to be happy without feeling revengeful or bitter? Do you love him enough to let him go?

Letting go doesn’t mean we need to GIVE UP, it just means we need to GIVE IN… give in to the TRUTH, and learn to accept the fact that we may have lost love, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to find it again. Maybe we just needed to love the wrong person first, before we finally love the right one. And when we finally meet the one that’s meant for us, we will know, because nothing and no one can ever take that away from us. Understand this. Only then will we be able to see the beauty of LOVE for what it really is, and appreciate the twist and turns of this journey we call LIFE.